obligatory birthday post

I turned 35 this week - and it went totally fine.

There are no secrets about my life really. I'm not married, I don't have kids. I haven't adopted a dog. It's really me and Eleanor the cat. Sometimes I'm insecure about that and other times I relish in the selfishness of my life. I do whatever I want, whenever I want.

Ideally, I wouldn't be alone. I'd have a partner that would make dinner a couple nights a week (maybe). They'd get the mail. They'd probably encourage me to try new shows on Netflix. They would probably do other things too - but I'd never let him cut the lawn. That's my job.

However on my 35th birthday this week, I was not hit with any reluctant emotion about being single. I did think about being a parent, but not specifically about being a partner. I was reminiscent of what my own parents 35th birthday had been like. Kids scrambling to blow out the candles, homemade gifts (probably). It didn't make me sad, just slightly reflective.

When you blow out the candles on a cake, you aren't supposed to tell people what you wished for because then it won't come true. I don't believe in that anymore. How are you supposed to get your wish if you don't manifest it by telling people your goals?

I wished for patience and happiness. I have worked through anxiety over the last couple years and while there are many routes to that - patience is one of mine. Patience to let things happen and not be anxious about what could happen. Happiness to just celebrate the single moments and not borrow from the potential future problems.

At 35, I didn't feel old. I wasn't worried about time suddenly passing me by. Things I hadn't quite gotten to yet. Instead, I felt a sense of responsibility to get life together and own it. Instead of feeling slightly insecure and a novice about home ownership, realize you are 35 and that's completely reasonable.

I'm not going to get my life together overnight (nor is it a total disaster :-)) but it's an inspiring age to realize life is incredibly real and to be educated about it. Take care of my finances better. Take care of my health better. Be gentle with my head and embrace the speed of my heart.

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